{"id":157439,"date":"2017-06-12T13:00:41","date_gmt":"2017-06-12T12:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/?p=157439"},"modified":"2017-06-15T18:53:03","modified_gmt":"2017-06-15T17:53:03","slug":"how-do-you-know-when-your-asd-child-is-being-bullied","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/how-do-you-know-when-your-asd-child-is-being-bullied\/","title":{"rendered":"How Do You Know When Your Child with ASD is Being Bullied?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Children living with autism usually automatically think that everyone, especially their classmates, have good intentions and are their friends. Unfortunately, their social communication challenges inhibit them from detecting most forms of bullying, making them highly vulnerable to it. In contrast, bullies are masters of manipulating communication and socialization, thereby transforming a seemingly innocent interaction into humiliation.<\/p>\n<p>To the child with autism, the bully\u2019s physical behaviors can appear accidental like repeatedly bumping into the child or spilling a drink on the child\u2019s shirt. Social defamation can happen when the bully convinces the victim to \u201cshare\u201d ALL of his food at lunch or to trust what the bully says like, \u201cThe teacher told me to let you know that you don\u2019t have to do your homework tonight.\u201d Threats can be disguised through insincere language such as sarcasm and purposefully unclear double meanings. Nonverbal communication like body language and facial expressions can seem friendly to a child with autism when they really aren\u2019t, such as sinister laughter.<\/p>\n<p>Even if your child has difficulty to totally identify when she\u2019s being bullied, she might get the sense that something isn\u2019t right. She might feel unsettled, confused, or uncomfortable, but she may not be sure how &#8211; or even if &#8211; she should approach you. She may mistakenly think her negative feelings are her own fault, or she may not want to upset or disappoint you. If you as the parent are unaware, the bullying will continue without intervention.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Is Your Child Being Bullied? Check In, Check Up:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Signs<\/strong>:\u00a0Some children with autism may not be able to begin the communication with you. But there may be signs for you to watch for:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Physical signs like bruises, cuts, bedwetting, self-stimulatory behaviors, self-injury, or refusal to go to school.<\/li>\n<li>Concerned teacher reports like distractibility, lack of effort in school work, not participating\u00a0in activities with classmates, incidents of inappropriate behavior &#8211; especially those that seem like imitations of more dominant students or bullies<\/li>\n<li>Emotional changes like depression, anger, or nervousness.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Conversation<\/strong>:\u00a0Since some children with autism may not show observable signs, start conversations to get closer to your child in general while familiarizing yourself with who your child\u2019s friends are &#8211; and those who are not &#8211; and what your child\u2019s daily school experience is like. You can use specific words that your child can truly understand:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cWho are your friends in class \/ during lunch \/ during recess \/ during gym class?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cWhy do you like Jen? What nice and good things does Jen say to you and do with you?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cAt school, is there anyone you don\u2019t like \/ don\u2019t get along with \/ isn\u2019t your friend?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cWhy don\u2019t you like Dylan? What isn\u2019t nice and isn\u2019t good about how Dylan looks at you \/ talks to you \/ does to you?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cTell me about what you and Zoe played today after school \/ I\u2019d like to hear all about your playdate with Zoe \/ how you felt while you were with her \/ what she said to you.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>\u201cYour teacher wrote me a note about how you and Peter were yelling at each other in math class. I\u2019d like to know what happened and how you were feeling.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Conversations like this help identify others\u2019 genuine intentions versus indecent intentions. Children with autism might not always be able to distinguish their true friends from \u2018so-called friends\u2019 who are in reality, bullies. Because kids with autism have excellent memories, they can recite word-for-word what was said so you have a playback of what happened for you to address it head-on.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Prepare and Equip Your Child to Detect Bullying:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Identify Name-Calling<\/strong>: Most children with autism can\u2019t distinguish whether words are good-natured joking or bullying. Your child might think that name-calling is actually the same as nicknames. Just as you prohibit swear words, alert your child to a list of key \u2018red words\u2019 like \u201cstupid, ugly, fat, smelly, dumb\u201d when a classmate addresses him. Also contrast \u2018kind \/ nice \/ happy \/ good\u2019 nicknames to those that are \u2018mean \/ not nice \/ not happy \/ bad\u2019 ones. For example, \u201cBuddy; Dear; Sugar; Dude; etc.\u201d vs \u201cWeirdo; Loser; Geek; Fatso; etc.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Identify Harmful Expressions:<\/strong> Innocent figures-of-speech like, \u201cGet out of town!\u201d are usually taken literally by people with autism, so your daughter may mistakenly think this person isn\u2019t a friend because he\u2019s suggesting that she leave. On the other hand, the child\u2019s concrete or literal thinking can actually cause her to miss the insincerity in other cases when bullying is occurring. For example, when called a \u201cLoser,\u201d the child might be confused and say, \u201cHow can I be a loser? I\u2019m not playing a game.\u201d Or a rude expression like \u201cDrop dead!\u201d probably won\u2019t make any sense to your child. You can help your child to better interpret such expressions by explaining that the bullies usually shout these types of words, combined with the fact that words like \u2018loser\u2019 and \u2018dead\u2019 are negative. Through watching TV shows and movies together, practice distinguishing both harmless and harmful expressions, discussing not only the specific words but also the tone of voice.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Identify Bullying Body Language:<\/strong> Teach your child to closely observe how people communicate using their eyes, mouth, arms, and fingers. While you are both looking in a mirror, have your child imitate your modeling of a potential bully\u2019s gestures, like smirking or snickering.\u00a0Describe the tiny movements of a smirk: \u201cLook at the way I\u2019m not smiling all the way. I\u2019m trying not to laugh, so my lips are getting tight, my cheeks have a little air in them, my shoulders are moving up and down, etc.\u201d Compare a smirk and similar insincere expressions to a smile and other genuine expressions. \u201cYou see, when I smile, it\u2019s a big, full smile. Sometimes I show my teeth. There\u2019s no air in my cheeks, and my shoulders aren\u2019t moving.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>In the same way, discuss the sounds and look of joyful or playful laughter versus sinister laughter or snickering. Tell your child to look for people around him who are pointing at him, smirking, snickering, and\/or laughing sinisterly. Explain that the bully and these bystanders are not his true friends. To help your child more fully comprehend body language, you both can role play during TV shows and videos, taking the time to rewind, replay in slow-motion, and pause scenes where non-verbal expressions are used a lot.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Interpret Actions:<\/strong> Some children with autism understand that outright hitting, punching, kicking, etc. is never OK. But, because they are rule-driven, they tend to do whatever anyone requests, especially if it is from a supposed friend. Tell your child that if it doesn\u2019t feel right to do, or if it\u2019s breaking a rule such as being told to make spitballs, don\u2019t do it because this person is not your real friend.<\/p>\n<p>Understand Motives: Kids with autism can\u2019t always accurately interpret the reasons why bullies don\u2019t want to be their friends. Being rule-oriented, your child can\u2019t easily understand why bullies break many common, expected social rules such as decency, respect, and humaneness. Shake-up your child\u2019s expectations by teaching him to anticipate unexpected possibilities through activities of chance. For example, present a paper bag of mostly blue marbles with some green marbles\u00a0mixed in. Take turns pulling out a marble. Compare the bullying encounter to that of the marbles like, \u201cThat bully is like the green marble. Every once in a while we pull a green marble, and every once in a while we meet a bully. But there are more blue marbles in the bag just like there\u2019s more real friends who are not bullies.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Explain how some kids wrongly think that acting like a tough, mean, \u2018bull\u2019 is good. Extend this theme by reading these types of fables or stories, depending on age, such as \u2018The Gingerbread Man\u2019, \u2018Little Red Riding Hood\u2019, and \u2018The Wolf in Sheep\u2019s Clothing.\u2019 Similar themes include safety skills for \u2018stranger danger\u2019 and sibling rivalry as in the book \u2018Sam\u2019s Snack\u2019 by David Pelham.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Seek Support:<\/strong> Explain to your child that bullying is not her fault or responsibility to fix. Because the bully is like a \u2018fake\u2019 friend who wears a sort of mask or disguise to look like a real friend, he\u2019s really just a \u2018green marble.\u2019 He doesn\u2019t know how, nor does he want to learn right now, how\u00a0to be your friend. Tell your child to move on and look to befriend the many \u2018blue marbles.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Of course, neither you nor your child have to go through this alone. If your child is being bullied, partner with your child\u2019s school staff, and as a team, discuss resolutions. By having discussions at home, you can give your child the power to stand up against bullying while at school, all while building closer bonds with your son or daughter.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Credit:Autism Parenting\u00a0Magazine<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Children living with autism usually automatically think that everyone, especially their classmates, have good intentions and are their friends. Unfortunately, their social communication challenges inhibit them from detecting most forms of bullying, making them highly vulnerable to it. In contrast, bullies are masters of manipulating communication and socialization, thereby transforming a seemingly innocent interaction into [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2448,"featured_media":157461,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[54,55],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157439"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2448"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=157439"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157439\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":158264,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157439\/revisions\/158264"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/157461"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=157439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=157439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=157439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}