{"id":164043,"date":"2017-06-28T11:39:20","date_gmt":"2017-06-28T10:39:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/?p=164043"},"modified":"2017-06-28T11:39:20","modified_gmt":"2017-06-28T10:39:20","slug":"tantrums-and-meltdowns-how-to-de-escalate-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/tantrums-and-meltdowns-how-to-de-escalate-behavior\/","title":{"rendered":"Tantrums and Meltdowns: How to De-Escalate Behavior"},"content":{"rendered":"

Meltdowns<\/strong> represent total succumbing to Fight, Freeze or Flight behavior.\u00a0 A meltdown is a catastrophic reaction to stress where the individual loses conscious control over his or her behavior.\u00a0 The person becomes \u201cdisorganized.\u201d\u00a0 The emotion is usually rage or overwhelming fear.\u00a0 There may be some short term intentional behavior, but there is a marked absence of sequential thinking (thinking about consequences).\u00a0Characteristic of flight, freeze or flight states, thinking is almost exclusively in the very immediate here and now.\u00a0 Ross Greene, author of \u201cThe Explosive Child,\u201d calls the state \u201cvapor lock.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes the person can stop on a dime if they get what they want, or some bigger threat comes along (the police show up), but often there is a slow and long duration calming down.\u00a0 Agitation can linger a long time, and some may have very unusual peripheral nervous system (sympathetic + parasympathetic) responses where rage can go on for an hour or longer.<\/p>\n

More often though, thinking and actions take on a ballistic nature.\u00a0That is, once launched, the behavioral action stream can no longer respond to input.\u00a0Like a bullet, the behavior does not respond to directions\u00a0\u2013 it just keeps going until something stops it or it just loses energy. \u00a0Trying to stop the behavior feels like stopping a freight train.\u00a0 Your efforts to help often escalate the behavior.\u00a0 Trying to soothe or calm the person can feel like stopping a ship.\u00a0 This may be due to an overactive sympathetic response, or an inadequate parasympathetic response or both.<\/p>\n

There can be a wild-fire, seizure-like quality to it as well.\u00a0 That is, it starts and cannot be stopped until the chain reaction just burns out or runs out of fuel.\u00a0 This is why psychiatrists often medicate people who have mood disorders and experience explosive behavior with anti-seizure medications such as Trileptal, Lamictal, Depakote, etc.<\/p>\n

Tantrums<\/strong> on the other hand are deliberate acts of coercive behavior.\u00a0They respond to what behaviorists call \u201cNegative Reinforcement.\u201d\u00a0 That is, removing the demand or limit makes the next tantrum more likely.\u00a0 So if your child throws a tantrum because you asked him\/her to take the plate to the sink, and you respond by doing it for him\/her and not asking again, you\u2019ve made it more likely that the child will tantrum again to control demands or limits.<\/p>\n

People have more mental control during tantrums than they do in meltdowns.\u00a0They are capable of thinking of consequences.\u00a0 In fact, they tantrum to produce the consequences they want.\u00a0 This is different from a meltdown, where the after effects often include shame, embarrassment, guilt, and broken relationships (if not broken toys, computers and other things the person values).<\/p>\n

What can be done to de-escalate behavior?<\/strong><\/p>\n

This model of intervention minimizes the sympathetic response by showing concern and empathy rather than meeting threat with threat.\u00a0 Also, the focus is on reducing demands on mental processing while the child is in the throes of the Fight, Freeze or Flight reaction.<\/p>\n

1. Show concern<\/strong>:\u00a0Slightly elevated, concerned and caring tone: \u201cAre you OK?\u00a0 What happened?\u201d\u00a0 He or she screams and vents and behaves irrationally, blaming, etc.\u00a0 We don\u2019t confront his perception at that moment. Key words terms, concepts:<\/p>\n

Attunement<\/em>: You do not dismiss or challenge the person\u2019s perception.\u00a0 The person must see you as helping, not threatening.\u00a0 The person wants to feel like you understand how important it is to them \u2013 regardless of whether the issues is or is not of real importance.<\/p>\n

Measured<\/em>: Your tone of voice conveys caring, not panic, urgency or desperation to get it to stop.<\/p>\n

Few words<\/em>: Use more tone of voice than words.\u00a0 Too many words overload an already overloaded brain.<\/p>\n

Wait<\/em>: You\u2019ve asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t rush or pressure the person to respond.\u00a0 Allow venting.\u00a0 Do not respond to idle threats, but take threats seriously (especially when dealing with\u00a0violent persons).\u00a0 Don\u2019t respond to invective or vitriol (nasty comments, attempts to get your goat).<\/p>\n

Empathy: Reflect back to the child and what they said by paraphrasing (not parroting).\u00a0 Don\u2019t correct them or judge. \u201cSomeone took your game?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cSomeone threw a ball at your head?\u201d<\/p>\n

You\u2019re just helping the person put it into words.\u00a0 The individual must believe you are there to help, not disbelieve, dismiss, confront or judge.\u00a0 Save the reflection and evaluation for later – perhaps much later.<\/p>\n

Key words, terms, concepts:<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish”<\/em>:<\/strong>\u00a0\u201cI wish we had more ice-cream\u201d sounds better than \u201cSorry, there\u2019s no more ice-cream.\u201d<\/p>\n

Slow everything down<\/em>:\u00a0 Down-shift.\u00a0 Speak slower.\u00a0Use few words.\u00a0 Don\u2019t give lengthy explanations.\u00a0 Insert longer pauses between your words.\u00a0 Lower the volume of your voice.<\/p>\n

Remember, you are communicating with the mammal brain.\u00a0 It understands fast movement, loud voices and a lot of words as a lot of actions \u2013 which translates into \u2013 threat.<\/p>\n

2. Reinforce Calmness:\u00a0 <\/strong>Wait for little moments of calm before speaking.\u00a0 The child wants your help \u2013 or at least a response.\u00a0 While you are not unresponsive, you don\u2019t talk or act much while the child is disorganized.\u00a0 You use your responding as a \u201creinforcer\u201d or reward for calmness.<\/p>\n

Wait for little moments of organized, focused attention and regulation.\u00a0 Stop speaking immediately if the person goes back to raging.<\/p>\n

3. Sympathize with the child’s struggle<\/strong>:\u00a0Let the individual know you know how hard it is.\u00a0 Don\u2019t deny his\/her feelings.\u00a0 Never dismiss, \u201cOh, you\u2019re making too much of this.\u00a0 It\u2019s not that bad.\u201d \u201cOh man.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s awful.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve been waiting so long.\u201d\u00a0 These statements communicate that you are on her side, not a threat. This may be hard to do when your child has done something awful.\u00a0 Remember, you will deal with consequences and repair\/restitution later.\u00a0 Not now.<\/p>\n

Confidence<\/em>:\u00a0<\/strong>Reassure the child that they will be OK.\u00a0The individual may think he\/she is going to die, but you can\u2019t be frantic.\u00a0 You have to act\u00a0as if you\u2019re confident everything will eventually be fine. \u00a0You can say, \u201cIt\u2019s OK,\u201d but that may not be preferable.\u00a0 It may even aggravate. \u00a0It\u2019s better to speak through your actions \u2013 or lack thereof.<\/p>\n

You communicate this message by not acting frantically and jumping into problem solving too quickly.\u00a0 Parents have a biological predisposition to act when their child send stress signals.\u00a0 The child\u2019s sympathetic nervous system activates the parent\u2019s sympathetic nervous system (see why it\u2019s called the \u201csympathetic\u201d nervous system).\u00a0 Your child\u2019s behavior is punishing to you.\u00a0 It is meant to activate you.\u00a0 You have to fight the urge to take problem solving actions too quickly as they are too much for the child to process at the moment.\u00a0 You can be concerned, but you have to be the one that appraises the threat realistically.<\/p>\n

But when you can\u2019t prevent something \u2013 try to re-frame it as an opportunity.\u00a0An investment in emotional resilience.\u00a0 Sometimes, there are no good choices.\u00a0 There is no more chocolate.\u00a0 We will have to wait until next Friday.\u00a0 These times present an opportunity for your child to experience bad feelings in your loving, empathic arms.\u00a0 This is as it should be.\u00a0 But it will not be easy. It may take a while and your child\u2019s emotional wiring may be a cause or result of extreme neurochemical imbalance.\u00a0 Using the empathic, soothing approach alone may be especially difficult if this is the case. When in doubt, refer to the three step-model to de-escalate tantrums and meltdowns.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Source: Autism Parenting Magazine<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Meltdowns represent total succumbing to Fight, Freeze or Flight behavior.\u00a0 A meltdown is a catastrophic reaction to stress where the individual loses conscious control over his or her behavior.\u00a0 The person becomes \u201cdisorganized.\u201d\u00a0 The emotion is usually rage or overwhelming fear.\u00a0 There may be some short term intentional behavior, but there is a marked absence […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2448,"featured_media":164063,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164043"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2448"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=164043"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164043\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":164065,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164043\/revisions\/164065"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/164063"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=164043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=164043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/csr.gtbank.com\/autism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=164043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}